"Inferno" by Dante Aligheri

Canto XXXI

"For when the power of thought
is coupled with ill will and naked force
there is no refuge from it for mankind."

"Still Life with Woodpecker" by Tom Robbins

"One thing you can say for the inscription, it makes you want to rush to the pantry, seize a box of Cheerios, rip back its tab (bering careful not to tear it off lest there come a time to send in the boxtop, which must be entire), part the waxed paper inner bag with both hands, dispatch a significant minority of the Cheerio population head over heels into a bowl, douse them immediately with a quantity of milk (presumedly, they do not perform when dry), sprinkle some white sugar on top, and then, crouch, face close to the bowl, watching, evaluating, as the tiny, tan, lightweight oat doughnuts, irregular in size, tone, and texture, begin to soak up the milk and the sugar granules dissolved therein, growing soft and soggy, expanding somewhat as liquid is absorbed; and you may be thinking all the while about the toroid shape, the shape of the cyclone, the vortex, the whirlpool, the shape of a thing made of itself yet mysteriously distinct from itself; thinking about rings, halos, men overboard, the unbroken cycle of life, the void as nucleus, or, best of all, bodily orifices; thinking about whatever the trove of toroidal trinkets might inspire as, center holes flooded with sugary milk, they relax and go blobby in the bowl; but appraising, testing, criticizing, asking repeatedly: do Cheerios measure up to Wheaties with beer, would they mix well with batshit in times of strife, would Ed Sullivan have signed them, would Knute Rockne have recruited them, how well do these little motherfuckers perform?"

"God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater" by Kurt Vonnegut

"When he reached Noah Rosewater Memorial High School, which was closed tight for the summer, he paused before the flagpole, indulged himself in shallow melancholy. He was taken by the sounds of the hollow iron pole's being tapped and caressed despondently by the hardware on the empty halyard.

He wanted to comment on the sounds, to have someone else listen to them, too. But there was nobody around but a dog that had been following him, so he spoke to the dog. 'That's such an American sound, you know? School out and the flag down? Such a sad American sound. You should hear it sometime when the sun's gone down, and a light evening wind comes up, and it's suppertime all around the world.'

A lump grew in his throat. It felt good."

11/16/09 10:55AM PST

I can't do white bread, for some reason. I think bread should be super chunky.

I can take it both ways (that's what she said). Sometimes I'm in the mood for a Man's Sandwich, and other times I could go for finger food

haha. What makes for a Man's Sandwich?

Ingredients that are too large.

haha like, a steak?

sure lol
A Man's Sandwich requires a little toothpick to keep it together, because it is so manly that it wants to BURST APART like a plaid shirt off the Brawny Man.

Ok I laughed like a tard at that.

lol I knew you would

I just have the best image in my mind of a plaid top ripping off a huge sandwich
Facebook status: CHANGED. Twitter status: TWEETED.

That's how it should be delivered. Carefully by a French waiter. The sandwich is wrapped tightly in flannel. As you go to reach for it--BAM!--the flannel bursts off and your sandwich is sitting there with it's toothpick standing straight up, looking at you with an expression that says "Whaddup?"

A little sign erupts forth and it literally says "Whaddup?"

Yeah, kinda like a BANG! sign, except the sandwich is banging your tastebuds.

Banging your tastebuds like a sportsbar conquest.

It's going to bang them so hard you'll have to sit in the shower with your clothes on just to feel clean again.

It's going to bang them so hard you'll need a carton of cigarettes afterward.

You might have to purchase Plan B, just to be safe.

11/14/09 4:22PM PST

Sometimes I wonder if I subconsciously just make things harder for myself

How so?

Choosing to convert to Judaism and try and pursue the arts, then moving across the country where I didn't know another living soul, and proceed to alienate myself from the rest of the student body by beginning a long-distance relationship with a girl I met over the internet, then marrying her before I could legally drink, only to end things with her once I've gotten out of college and not made any connections, and then from that point potentially changing career paths AND moving to the center of the country where I have to start it all over again and find a girl who can tolerate/empathize with everything above.
lol

lol ok
I gotta hand it to you, you have an amazing backstory there.

"Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius: Book Five

1. "...You don't love yourself enough. Or you'd love your nature too, and what it demands of you. People who love what they do wear themselves down doing it, they even forget to wash or eat. Do you have less respect for your own nature than the engraver does for engraving, the dancer for the dance, the miser for money or the social climber for status? When they're really possessed by what they do, they'd rather stop eating and sleeping than give up practicing their arts."

1/27/09 4:36PM PST

i still have no idea how i managed to get those tickets to marquette for only 250

Me neither, that seems like an expensive airport. Small = expensive

i am shocked that there are no bathrooms at the gate. you have to leave security to use the bathroom

lol really?
that's awesome

that freaking airport is smaller than a walmart, that's what's freaking awesome

haha sehr true.

yo dawg, i herd you like airplanes and shopping, so i put an airport in your walmart so you can fly while you buy

12/16/08 10:48AM PST

yeah, i miss skiing

i'm in the same boat

me too!

it's such a cool feeling

apparently snowblades aren't snowblades any more. they're skiboards now if i want to keep doing them. the makers of "snowblades", salomon, stopped making them when everybody realized they were gay

i apparently did not get the memo

09/29/08 11:29AM PST

did the bailout bill really fail or do ppl believe it will fail?

no, it really failed
global economy is crashing right now

maybe we'll just have to kill every chinese citizen

no, we're going to be serving them fries soon

that's why we drop the bombs now
30
spread out over their island and pay them back for hiroshima and nagasaki

there are so many things wrong with that sentence

Kafka: Three Parables

2. "...'What do you want to know now?' asks the doorkeeper, 'you are insatiable.' 'Everyone strives to attain the Law,' answers the man, 'how does it come about, then, that in all these years no one has come seeking admittance but me?' The doorkeeper perceives that the man is at the end of his strength and that his hearing is failing, so he bellows in his ear: 'No one but you could gain admittance through this door, since this door was intended only for you. I am now going to shut it.'..."

08/29/08 9:59PM PST

off topic, but you want to hear something ironic? one of my professors is like one of the most important christian thinkers in america

haha, I bet that's fantaaastic

he doesn't mention it at all. he's actually quite brilliant. if i hadn't googled him, i would have never known

http://www.dwillard.org/

I'm pretty sure most of my professors are one of the most important Big Mac thinkers at the local McDonalds or something like that

haha you just made me spill beer on myself

lol SUCCESS!

Porno Spam

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rough prison food, being ordered about by harsh, and the
opportunity was lost, as she was to leave of others. Richard
abernethie had not given him always arrived first. Where
should i set up? She economy of the emperor, in not going
to war with would begin in three minutes. The next moment
to go to men's offices, trying with her pretty few words
something Max koblin turned his head so much as their silly
songs, after we've fed lessened the light for a little while,
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the land, if you let down a soundingline you will full red
lips. I just kissed him. She paused in from this man maenck
received the password that another. Why warn the waverlys
beforehand? Why.

07/23/08 12:25PM PST

stanzas 3, 5, 9, 10, 14 are broken

you're broken
or i'll break you in half
bitch
what now
that's too many fucking stanzas anyway i don't have 14 stanzas
AAAAAAAAAH
AAAAAAAAAH
BLASLBASGALSGJKSLGG

no, you have 14

SHUTTTTTTUP ZI'MGOINGTOFUCKINGKILLYOUJUSTKIDDINGBUTSERIOUSLYOURGOINGTOFUCKING DIE

i thought 14 was appropriate for a soliloquy

DONTFEARTHEREAPERZYOUR
WHATS A SOLILOQUY

err, sonnet. sorry, i swapped terms accidentally.

Sonnet
Structure
* 14 lines
* Iambic Pentameter
* static rhyme scheme

shakespeare papschmear
i'm in love
shakespeare was half gay he can't feel love

hopefully she doesn't get all caught up in the bad pentameter. i know it'd kill the mood for me
i'd probably dry up like the sahara

oh i'm going to fuck you up
i'm going to walk to california tonight
and kill you

AutoCont

Everyone is a brain box on something. We are brain boxes on IT.

http://www.autocont.com/home.cml

6/16/08 3:00PM PST

like you know when you break your arm

or your leg i guess
you straighten it out with a piece of wood or whatever
perhaps J could use one of these
or try not to O.D. on viagra
either way

i remember when my grandma used to get aarp catalogues, they would sell dick splints like you're imagining

you're kidding

nope

holy shit
hahaha

dick splint
what a wonderful phrase

lol

i think that might surpass twat snot at this point

shut up you fucking dick splint

see, it works well

i think it does
nice one

i think we have inaugurated a new era just now

wow, you're absolutely right, i can feel it
i can't wait to say that to someone face to face

"The Plot Against America" by Philip Roth

It went without saying that Mr. Mawhinney was a Christian, a long-standing member of the great overpowering majority that fought the Revolution and founded the nation and conquered the wilderness and subjugated the Indian and enslaved the Negro and emancipated the Negro and segregated the Negro, one of the good, clean, hard-working Christian millions who settled the frontier, tilled the farms, built the cities, governed the states, sat in Congress, occupied the White House, amassed the wealth, possessed the land, owned the steel mills and the ball clubs and the railroads and the banks, even owned and oversaw the language, one of those unassailable Nordic and Anglo-Saxon Protestants who ran American and would always run it--generals, dignitaries, magnates, tycoons, the men who laid down the law and called the shots and read the riot act when they chose to--while my father, of course, was only a Jew.

Sample CA Ballot Measure

01. Shall Los Angeles County be declared the sun and leisure capital of the world? Yes/No

5/28/08 12:48PM PST

i think i'm dying

what do you mean?

i pooped out a full bell pepper

and i swear to god man that pepper wasn't whole when i ate it